Wednesday, 21 September... Heat Stroke, Meltdowns, Etc.
Shortly after I return from picking up my prescriptions, my across the street neighbor asks me if I need help. I almost jump for joy, while at the same time feeling guilty, as I tell him, very definitively, that I DO need help.
Measuring and cutting wood doesn't sound taxing, but after a day spent with a 110 degree heat index, by 10pm, I find myself incapacitated by nausea and horrendous muscle cramps.
In the meantime, I manage to board 5 windows and begin a 6th as it darkness begins to take hold. The sixth window is within the confines of a wildly overgrown Phildedendron and as I push the plywood into place, the clips flipped off into the darkness of the rootbed.
I am overcome by anger, fear and helplessness and begin to curse and cry uncontrollably.
Shortly thereafter, I excuse myself. I tell my NDN and ATS neighbors that I cannot possibly do even one more thing. After all, I have been pacing upwards of an hour trying to walk off dibilitating cramps that have left me incapable of breathing a normal breath.
As I shut down my garage and house, I begin again to cry uncontrollably. I am the only one in the neighborhood who is so helpless. The help that was offered to me, had been spent readying the next door neighbor's house, while my house remained unprotected.
I know that I felt sorry for myself, but I ALSO know that I felt angry.
In the midst of a meltdown, I called my aunt and leaned on her. I didn't so much need comforting, as much as I just needed empathy. I was ill, exhausted and overwhelmed. I felt bad for seeking comfort in her 72 year old arms, but I did.
Measuring and cutting wood doesn't sound taxing, but after a day spent with a 110 degree heat index, by 10pm, I find myself incapacitated by nausea and horrendous muscle cramps.
In the meantime, I manage to board 5 windows and begin a 6th as it darkness begins to take hold. The sixth window is within the confines of a wildly overgrown Phildedendron and as I push the plywood into place, the clips flipped off into the darkness of the rootbed.
I am overcome by anger, fear and helplessness and begin to curse and cry uncontrollably.
Shortly thereafter, I excuse myself. I tell my NDN and ATS neighbors that I cannot possibly do even one more thing. After all, I have been pacing upwards of an hour trying to walk off dibilitating cramps that have left me incapable of breathing a normal breath.
As I shut down my garage and house, I begin again to cry uncontrollably. I am the only one in the neighborhood who is so helpless. The help that was offered to me, had been spent readying the next door neighbor's house, while my house remained unprotected.
I know that I felt sorry for myself, but I ALSO know that I felt angry.
In the midst of a meltdown, I called my aunt and leaned on her. I didn't so much need comforting, as much as I just needed empathy. I was ill, exhausted and overwhelmed. I felt bad for seeking comfort in her 72 year old arms, but I did.
posted by Shmoop at 10:32 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home